Lauren Schena in 500 Words

I was broken down from a young age.

Starting my all-star cheerleading career at the age of 8, I set myself up for scrutiny that would shape the person I am today.

Would I ever do it again? Absolutely not, but I wouldn't trade what I learned. 

I started my cheerleading career as a flyer, not because it was the best position for me but because I was the 80-pound 8-year-old who was the easiest to throw around. I think a lot of my self-doubt came from flying.

One of the most difficult things about being a flyer was that the group was designated "your" group. It didn't matter who made the mistake, if I fell, it was my name being screamed at full volume. Not to mention I would get blamed by my stunt group whenever possible. As a little kid, this destroyed my self-esteem.

After three years of flying, I quit to become a base and never went back.

It didn't surprise me that years of relentless blame and pressure were too much to handle before hitting double digits. 

When I became a base, I thought I was on top of the world. I'd finally found something I was good at that didn't scare me. I'd even gotten on a higher-level team as a base the following season. Then, after relentless hard work and dedication, I became captain, and for the first time, I felt accepted by my team. 

That's when things came crashing down. 

In eighth grade, right after being appointed team captain, I fractured my spine and was benched for six months.

I went from being my coach's favorite athlete to being shunned every practice. I lost the respect of my teammates and I hardly felt like a captain, yet I never missed a single practice. Then, come the end of the season, I was able to return for our last three competitions and even helped us get third at nationals. However, never once was I recognized for the work I put in and the dedication I had to my team throughout my injury.

Although I was able to recover physically, I could never shake the feeling that I had become invisible to everyone in the cheer community when I lost my athletic value. My coaches and teammates peered through me until they had a use for me again, and it was the most diminishing feeling I'd ever felt in my life. 

Then, come the following season, things were finally starting to look up. I made my dream team after recovering from my injury and I was so proud of myself. However, it didn't take long for me to see the negative side of cheerleading after falling from where I once was. 

Girls who were once my friends and teammates were now ignoring and making fun of me. Coaches who I once respected were making my life miserable. I didn't realize how sour the community could be until I was faced with so much negativity. My injury took a toll on my body, and I wasn't the athlete I once was on the other side of it, I couldn't help but think that I was being looked down on because of that. The truth was, I was useless to my coaches and I was passable to my teammates. I only lasted another season after that before I quit altogether. 

I think the adversity and negativity of this environment thickened my skin and made me stronger. I won't ever let people treat me the way I was treated during my time as a cheerleader, and with just that one personal mandate, my life has already improved.